Monday, September 23, 2013

Limits

As promised, here is the Limits post.

When Monica and I first started talking about swinging we assumed that we would likely only be into same-room, soft swap and FMF threesomes and maybe, soft MFM threesomes.  We were pretty confident that we would be okay with that but were hesitant to go any further.  We set some initial boundaries too, like no kissing (which is a pretty common limit, as I understand it.)

Once we got into the scene we quickly found that the limits that we had been setting didn't make much sense when applied to the real world.  The first rule that was right out the window was the no kissing rule.  Monica had made this one and we weren't twenty minutes into our very first FMF encounter when she asked me to kiss the girl that we were with.  So that whole idea was immediately right out the window.  I never thought that kissing would be a problem and she found that watching me kiss another girl was a turn on and she found that she needed kissing to "work up" to more things - it was an essential component of her foreplay routine.  So that limit was eliminated before things even got started.

We had other limits that slowly faded away as well.  When we moved on from FMF to MFM, eliminating another limit right there, we were not sure how either of us felt about vaginal penetration.  I didn't know how I would feel and she was a little nervous about letting other guys inside of her, but, like the kissing, she went from sucking to fucking during our first MFM in no time and we felt silly having even worried about it.

The next limit to drop off was same room playing.  Pretty soon we tried playing in different rooms - why would what you do five feet from each other be different than what you do thirty feet from each other?  Once separate room was comfortable, pretty quickly so was playing alone.  Playing alone allowed us to play with a much better variety of people with much greater frequency as we did not need to coordinate as many schedules and it eliminated most of the "can't find a babysitter" problem.  That significantly aided in enabling our play time.  We also found that we really enjoyed playing alone, not just the person who did the playing but the one who got to hear all about it later.

One by one basically all of our limits dropped away.  If you really step back and look at the entire concept of swinging it really is about a combination of trust and exploration - neither one of which works well when there are limits imposed upon them.  Having limits implies a lack of trust and actually, I think, makes the process much harder. 

As we essentially have no limits we are able to be so much more relaxed and free.  We don't have to worry about crossing lines or having actions misinterpreted.  It allows us to be far more open with each other and more intimate with our paramours.  The experience is enhanced on both sides.

One key limit that we have kept and continue to recommend years after all of our other limits have dropped away is that we focus on our swinging activities as being additive sex rather than substitutional sex.  That is we make sure that sex with others is always extra sex, above and beyond what we normally have with each other never replacing that sex.  That's a bit of a grey area, of course, as you have no way to know definitively how much sex you would have with each other and often swinging sex activities wears both of us out and reduces our energy for sex with each other.

How we address this is not to be concerned with getting sex with each other in necessarily after every group or swinging encounter - often we are both exhausted and just want to go to bed.  We also recognize and accept that sex with each other might be met with a certain degree of "well, we can do that tomorrow" whereas sex with others might be a special occasion worthy of extra effort and is likely to involve additional arousal simply from the exotic nature.  Where we really focus the effort is when we are playing alone or separately that the party who was not involved in the swinging activity always reserves the unquestioned right to get all the sex that they want when the party who was out playing returns or as soon thereafter as is physically reasonable (the idea is not to prevent playing to exhaustion or soreness with others - that happens frequently.)

So now, two years into full out swinging, we've found that the ideas of limits so common, effectively ubiquitous among swinging newbies, has been gone since nearly the very beginning and we could not be happier.  If you need limits I think that it is important to consider if swinging is really something that is right for you.  Swinging is not an activity recommended for people with trust or jealousy concerns.  I'm not saying that newbies just getting started shouldn't have limits as they attempt new things - it is a bit like a safety net.  Swinging can be an emotionally jarring experience and can uncover issues that neither party was aware even existed.  So having limits as you explore the lifestyle, I think, is fine and smart.  But limits with the intention of keeping them may not be.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Two Years In

Two years in.  The old "is this going to work" question is long since answered.  The questions, the worries... those are long since gone.  Now it is just a matter of logistics and the regular pattern of the lifestyle being a part of our day to day lives.  So what does the lifestyle look like for us, two years in?

For one thing, the lifestyle is hard to separate from our normal lifestyle at this point.  I think when you start out it is "this is our life" over on one side and "this is us playing" over on the other side.  Comfort doesn't arise until the two come together and become one.  That happened for us before the first six months were up.

Today it is really hard to define which parts of our lives are lifestyle related and which are not.  We have many friends who are singles or couples with whom one or both of us play that cross any boundaries.  We also have normal lifestyle changes that are a direct result from but not directly caused by, the lifestyle such as me collecting phone numbers in bars and Monica giving hers out.  The way that we interact with others is rather different.  We've had a number of people actually guess that we were swingers without there being any overt reason why we thought that they would know (not people that we were trying to pick up, for example.)  How they guessed we have no idea.  That is something that we have been trying to work out.

One thing that we have both noticed is that in the past year the number of people who are non-swingers, those who have no idea about our lifestyle choices, have commented just in general about how lucky we are and what an awesome marriage we have.  We think so but find it amazing that other people comment on it in the way that they do.  But we can definitely tell that the factors that make swinging make sense for us are also factors that make for a great marriage - we desire to make each other happy, the other one's happiness makes us happy, trust, lack of jealousy, confidence and a deeper knowledge and understanding of each other.

It's funny to me, given my sexual background, just how bizarre our sexual lifestyle is today from what normal people experience.  It isn't odd at all for one of us to have someone over for casual sex.  Monica might bring a guy over on any random night and the three of us go at it.  Sometimes she will ask me to go work or something because she's in the mood to be taken alone, sometimes not.  Variety is a big key.  We've learned that groups are fun but lack intimacy which is an important element that I think a lot of swingers fear and attempt to avoid.  We've learned to embrace it for both of us and it is so much more exciting having that factor and all of the additional variety that that brings.

Traveling for sexual encounters has become more commonplace.  It used to be that we expected people to live around the corner.  Now we make plans and travel to make good encounters happen.  Sex used to be occasional, now it is constant, both at home and abroad.  We are both much more confident and experienced in bed too.  That is a huge bonus.  The more you do, the better you do.

We now each have our regulars and we have our one night stands.  We have the people that we've talked to forever but haven't managed to actually meet yet.  We both have same sex friends that we have gotten to know because they were the opposite partner's paramour at some point.  A huge percentage of our personal lives are somehow related to lifestyle activities or people that we know because of the lifestyle - even sometimes if those people aren't aware of their relationship to it.

Our relationship to close friends, such as those that read this blog, obviously have changed in interesting ways.  We have only a few friends with whom we share both our real life personas and the information here but as you can imagine that is a rather significant emotional connection and exposure.  The contents here are very personal.

Two years in, without a doubt, we both feel, Monica and I, that engaging in the lifestyle, to the degree that we have, has been an unquestionably great experience.  It has been great for each of us on a personal level and great for our relationship.  It has been fun in its own right and good for us too.  We have met great people and have had great experiences.  It can be a pain and frustrating at times, but everything is sometimes.  It takes special people who have a special relationship to be able to swing  but when things are right it can be such a great addition to a relationship.  We are very happy to have had the opportunity to jon the lifestyle and very happy that we made the decision to share that journey with all of you, a journey that we hope is only just beginning.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Into the Groove

It has been nearly seven years since Monica and I decided that we were going to give the swinging lifestyle a try and two years since we have actively begun doing so and couldn't be happier.  The lifestyle has been great for both of us and we are so much more into it than we would ever have guessed.

We have now been actively playing for long enough that it feels like second nature.  Hooking up with someone isn't a nerve wracking anomaly, it is just a normal part of day to day life.  Having a couple come over and everyone suddenly get naked after a few drinks seems just like something that everyone must do, but I suppose that that is pretty abnormal.

I think the thing that I am most surprised by after these two years is how much swinging has just integrated into our general lifestyle.  Having someone over to play or going out to play is not different than going out for dinner.  Sometimes it is as simple as I feel like going to the bar and instead of feeling like she is getting left behind Monica can have a "friend" over and be perfectly happy for the evening.  And I enjoy getting to come home to her all warmed up and prepped for me.  Or it could be a couple comes over to hang out with us and before the night is through we've had drinks and the clothes are all over the house.  Or she wants an early night and I head over to a girlfriend's house for some fun of my own.

We really have moved "into the groove" of swinging.  It feels natural now.  Just how things are.  I would never have guessed that swinging would ever feel normal and not at all out of place, but it really does.  Other people don't do this?  Why not?  I really have no idea.  Insecurity or lack of sexual interest, I guess.  It is a great lifestyle and so comfortable and open.  Feels much more natural.

Without a doubt the biggest surprise is the transparency that has happened.  Monica and I are so much more open with each other and with our friends.  And the lifestyle is really a great name for it, because that is exactly what it is, just an extension of our lifestyle.  We don't have to think about it.  It is just who we are.

Being in the lifestyle has really opened us up to a new world of friends too.  It is amazing what a large percentage of our regular friends are people that we know because of the lifestyle.  It is a great way to meet people.  And the people that you meet are so often so great and easy going.  The nature of the lifestyle is one of being very relaxed.

It has been a great two years.  We've really grown and learned a lot about ourselves and had so much fun.  And writing this blog, as bad as we have been about keeping up with that, has been great too.  Even if in only a small way it has served as a means of documenting our journey and we have a lot of friends that read it and keep up with our changes and growth through it too.  It is great to know that we have such a supportive, extended family that is there to support and encourage us.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Finally After Four Years

So there is this girl that I met online four years ago, she was eighteen at the time and already well into the lifestyle.  We started talking and hit it off.  But she lived across the country from me so while we both wanted to give it a try there really wasn't a way to to do it.  So we've stayed in contact over the years and not long after we started talking we ended up living just three hours away from each other.

Over the years we've talked about making things work but it seemed to always coincide with one thing or another and for quite a bit of time she was out of the lifestyle completely.  But she got back in again, but then moved, etc.

Finally, fairly recently, she got her own apartment not terrifically far from where we live - only about ninety minutes.  She is twenty two now, so not nearly as young as she was but still very young, and the time was right for us to finally make things happen.

We made arrangements for a special night but due to some creepy ex-boyfriend issues (her's, not mine obviously) we had to call it off and get the police involved.  The escorted said ex out of town but for safety reasons I had to call the night off.  We decided to reschedule some other time.  Not a good sign, but we've been trying to make this work for so long that it is certainly worth some effort.

Finally a week later I made it out.  She is a bit of a sub, the most sub of anyone I have ever been with.  Monica leans towards sub, of course, liking to be tied up, whipped, spanked and made to obey but it's rather casual.  This girl likes being a slave in the extreme dom/sub subculture so this is a bit of new exposure for me.  She always calls me sir or master too.  Very hot especially with the fifteen year age difference.  She is the youngest, by relative age, girl I have ever been with.  I like age differences a lot - not necessarily younger girls, I like them quite a bit older as well.  I just like the age difference dynamic.

So this time I gave her explicit instructions.  She was to be wearing a mini-skirt, tank top, no panties, blindfold and meet me at the door without ever getting to see me.  Every girl I mention that too is instantly wet just at the thought of being pantiless, blindfolded with a strange man that they've wanted to do for four years in their apartment - especially one fifteen years older.

So finally we made it happened. I arrived late afternoon and, as instructed, she met me at the door sans panties, tiny skirt, tank top and blindfold.  She was pretty nervous and excited.  Her first time trying something like this.  I kissed her as I arrived and reached down to inspect the pantie situation.  Indeed, there were none.   Very obedient.

I took a quick shower as it had been a long drive.  I came out to find her still blindfolded, as instructed, on her bed, face down and ass in the air playing with herself.  Her young pussy was very wet and she could hardly contain herself she was so excited and nervous.  My fingers went right in and she was coming in no time just from me fingering her.  Over and over again she came and she was a squirter too, she could not hold back.  

After she had come at least a dozen times I put her on her back with her head hanging over the side of the bed and took out my cock and put it all the way down her throat.  She was very good, very submissive and did whatever I wanted.  She sucked cock awesomely.  It was great.  She took it so deep and quite hard over and over again.  Eventually she did such a good job I just came with it all the way into her throat.  She gagged a little but kept it in and took all of it without losing a drop.  It was incredibly hot and she loved it.  While I was throat fucking her she came nearly ten more times too!

After that episode we took a break to give me a chance to rejuvenate.  So we went out and got some dinner before continuing.  We needed energy.  So after having swallowed my cum with my dick deep in her throat she, for the first time, took off her blindfold so that she could see who she had been pleasuring!  Very hot.

After we had dinner and then ice cream, it was back to her apartment for more serious fun.  We were in the door and naked in no time.  This time I was on my back and she was dangling her massive tits in my face and trying to make me want to do her - which worked.  In I went and she was so wet - she rode me as long as her knees and hips could take the position coming many times while on top in a cowgirl position - squirting each time so that I could feel her cum running down my balls.  I haven't had a squirter like this for at least sixteen years!

She switched to the bottom and I mounted her which is perfect for a sub as I could control her completely.  I fucked her for quite a while with me on top.  In total she came nearly fifty times and by the end was squirting out of control.  Both of us and the bed was completely soaked by the time that we were done.

Four years of waiting and finally we are able to get together.  Hoping to be together again soon.  Already plotting out next opportunity.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Here is one for the ladies...

Normally it is Monica getting to post pictures.  Well there have been some requests, or at least I like to imagine that there have been, so I thought that I would acquiesce to the demands of the public and provide some pics as well.

This was taken with my webcam, at some point I'll attempt some with a real cam.  But at least there is something here for the ladies (or the guys, to each their own.)  Enjoy.

Trying a Swinger Club

Pretty much since we first got into swinging two years ago we have been talking about and looking into trying out a real swinger club but schedules, work, kids, travel and life in general just have made it too hard to make that first leap.  We've both been really interested and we have several swinger friends now who love to go to the clubs, it just never worked out for us.

Finally a few weeks ago, we were able to get a late night babysitter and we made the plunge into the club scene.  As newbies to the scene we had to be in early and take a tour and get a run down on the rules.  The club was nice and really busy.


We moved into the whole thing very slowly.  Made some friends and hung out meeting people for a while.  Just having drinks and hanging out.  Very casual.  The only thing that would tip you off from it being anything but a normal, run of the mill house party was the insanely skimpy outfits on the majority of the girls (with the occasional completely topless girl walking by), the nude hot tub action going on and, once in a while, a couple suddenly having sex in a corner since there were beds and other handy furniture items all over.


Monica was, of course, snapped up right away for someone interested in enjoying her.  She had a short dress on, very high stripper heels and cleavage galore.  Very doable.  There were a selection of places for "activity" to take place but the rooms that are open for public observation were all taken and busy very early on so by the time that she and her "date" for the evening were going to go play their only option was a private bed where the rest of us could not go to watch them.  So I was left to fend for myself.


It took me a little longer to find a partner for the evening but it wasn't a problem.  A cute, busty, mid-twenties brunette and I ended up making a connection.  Once the crowd had died down a bit she and I went to a back, public room where we were checking out a popular FMF threesome going on with tons of people watching.  The scene must have been doing it for her, in no time she was rubbing her ass against me and then her hand was there to ensure that I was ready.  Then, in the midst of quite a crowd of people, she just dropped to her knees, undid my jeans and began to blow me with lots of people watching.  Very hot.


Once the threesome wrapped up the crowd dispersed to some degree and my partner and I moved from her on knee performance to a public, view-able bed so that the remaining crowd could watch us as well.  She was quickly pantyless and her tits were out but her dress stayed on.  I went down on her to warm her up, although she was quite warm already, and made her cum twice before we really even got started.  She claimed to not be into getting eaten out that much but her orgasms suggested otherwise.


Once she was ridiculously horny and begging for some cock inside of her I laid on my back and let her ride me cowgirl style.  She came after a bit but kept riding.  I was going well and could have lasted indefinitely, it seemed, but it was getting late and we didn't want to be caught until closing and not be able to finish.  So I decided that I wanted to cum on her face and she was quite happy with that choice.  Before we could switch positions she came again and then quickly moved to her back with her head hanging off of the side of the bed.  I stood above her and stroked my cock until I came all over her face.  She kept her mouth wide open catch any drips of cum into it that she could.


Her husband was there watching and enjoyed the show immensely.  He immediately jumped in and took his out and whacked off onto her face too while she lay there still covered in my cum.  That was very hot and she was really excited to have a double facial.  Apparently she loves facials in general and has always wanted a double but never gotten to do it.  So it really was perfect to get to be a part of her first time!  Very few things hotter than a girl taking a facial, especially one with her mouth open.


It was a great first night.  Monica greatly enjoyed herself too.  She was the last person done with her "session" in the entire club, I believe.  We had to wait a bit for her to come out of the private room so that we could head home for a short session of our own as well.


Overall, a great experience.  Lots of nice people, a ton of fun and very relaxed.  We will be trying to make it back soon.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Where Have We Been?

Sorry everyone, I know that people have been looking for us for nearly a year and we have kind of been in hiding.  Nothing wrong, we are still well and swinging hard as ever.  We did some very heavy traveling last year, Monica took on a new job and I had to push hard to complete a degree program so our time has just been unavailable and we haven't been focused on writing.  It is hard to get to writing the site and we have a lot of other writing that we both do outside of here and that has been suffering too.

I'm going to make an effort to get some new writing posted, though, I know that we have garnered a lot of readers over the last year and people are looking to follow up on our adventures.  Don't worry, we haven't left swinging or regretted a moment of it.  Still having a lot of fun.

I think, now, being two years in to the lifestyle our adventures feel a bit more tame to us, even though they are really not, and posting and talking about them is less something that we think about.  It was new and fresh when we started the blog and now it is very much just "who we are."  That's not a bad thing, it is a very good thing.  That's how things are supposed to work.  Just makes it harder to remember to write about it.