Two Years In

Two years in.  The old "is this going to work" question is long since answered.  The questions, the worries... those are long since gone.  Now it is just a matter of logistics and the regular pattern of the lifestyle being a part of our day to day lives.  So what does the lifestyle look like for us, two years in?

For one thing, the lifestyle is hard to separate from our normal lifestyle at this point.  I think when you start out it is "this is our life" over on one side and "this is us playing" over on the other side.  Comfort doesn't arise until the two come together and become one.  That happened for us before the first six months were up.

Today it is really hard to define which parts of our lives are lifestyle related and which are not.  We have many friends who are singles or couples with whom one or both of us play that cross any boundaries.  We also have normal lifestyle changes that are a direct result from but not directly caused by, the lifestyle such as me collecting phone numbers in bars and Monica giving hers out.  The way that we interact with others is rather different.  We've had a number of people actually guess that we were swingers without there being any overt reason why we thought that they would know (not people that we were trying to pick up, for example.)  How they guessed we have no idea.  That is something that we have been trying to work out.

One thing that we have both noticed is that in the past year the number of people who are non-swingers, those who have no idea about our lifestyle choices, have commented just in general about how lucky we are and what an awesome marriage we have.  We think so but find it amazing that other people comment on it in the way that they do.  But we can definitely tell that the factors that make swinging make sense for us are also factors that make for a great marriage - we desire to make each other happy, the other one's happiness makes us happy, trust, lack of jealousy, confidence and a deeper knowledge and understanding of each other.

It's funny to me, given my sexual background, just how bizarre our sexual lifestyle is today from what normal people experience.  It isn't odd at all for one of us to have someone over for casual sex.  Monica might bring a guy over on any random night and the three of us go at it.  Sometimes she will ask me to go work or something because she's in the mood to be taken alone, sometimes not.  Variety is a big key.  We've learned that groups are fun but lack intimacy which is an important element that I think a lot of swingers fear and attempt to avoid.  We've learned to embrace it for both of us and it is so much more exciting having that factor and all of the additional variety that that brings.

Traveling for sexual encounters has become more commonplace.  It used to be that we expected people to live around the corner.  Now we make plans and travel to make good encounters happen.  Sex used to be occasional, now it is constant, both at home and abroad.  We are both much more confident and experienced in bed too.  That is a huge bonus.  The more you do, the better you do.

We now each have our regulars and we have our one night stands.  We have the people that we've talked to forever but haven't managed to actually meet yet.  We both have same sex friends that we have gotten to know because they were the opposite partner's paramour at some point.  A huge percentage of our personal lives are somehow related to lifestyle activities or people that we know because of the lifestyle - even sometimes if those people aren't aware of their relationship to it.

Our relationship to close friends, such as those that read this blog, obviously have changed in interesting ways.  We have only a few friends with whom we share both our real life personas and the information here but as you can imagine that is a rather significant emotional connection and exposure.  The contents here are very personal.

Two years in, without a doubt, we both feel, Monica and I, that engaging in the lifestyle, to the degree that we have, has been an unquestionably great experience.  It has been great for each of us on a personal level and great for our relationship.  It has been fun in its own right and good for us too.  We have met great people and have had great experiences.  It can be a pain and frustrating at times, but everything is sometimes.  It takes special people who have a special relationship to be able to swing  but when things are right it can be such a great addition to a relationship.  We are very happy to have had the opportunity to jon the lifestyle and very happy that we made the decision to share that journey with all of you, a journey that we hope is only just beginning.